Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
