i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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