Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
