Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
