By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize