i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
