They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
