they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
