Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
