In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
