Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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