Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
