I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I did not marry a roomba.
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