I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
