my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
