I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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