its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Naked Twister starts at high noon
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
