I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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