ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
