After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
