Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
