finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
