all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i believe in u and ur pee
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
