I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
