Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
