Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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