you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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