Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.

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(313): View more from Michigan

im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come

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(305): View more from Florida

The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.

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(404): View more from Georgia

I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.

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(914): View more from New York

This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.

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(631): View more from New York

My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?

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(701): View more from North Dakota

He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.

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