If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
