even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
