Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
