her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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