Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
