there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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