I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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