just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
