I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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