I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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