the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
