I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
