What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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