No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
