and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
