2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
