She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
