My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Randomize
