Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
