Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
