Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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