That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
