You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
