Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
