champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
