one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize