anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
