did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I need a hoe opinion
go on
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
