Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
