Are we in a gay sports bar?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
