I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize