I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
