Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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