shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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