She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
