Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
