We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just invented taco cereal.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
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