I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
