we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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